The author of Dying To Be Me, Anita Moorjani, went through cancer and a Near Death Experience in order to understand the importance of self love and fearless living. Happily, she says, you don’t have to. Awakenings sat in on Anita’s workshop called How to Live Fearlessly. Here’s what we learnt…
Most of us are driven by fears to some degree. We operate from a state of, ‘I hate my job’, ‘I have no choice’, ‘I’m trapped’, ‘I mustn’t eat this, I’ll get fat’, ‘I mustn’t say that for fear of being criticised or ridiculed’… and so on. Like air conditioning, you don’t notice the noise of fear till it’s turned off.
So, how do you switch from fearful to joyful living? Focusing on getting rid of the fear doesn’t work because whatever you focus on, grows. Instead, you need to focus on a new element and that is joy and self-love.
Ask yourself, ‘What brings me joy? What would bring me joy at this moment?’ Even if you can’t come up with an answer straight away, if you ask yourself the question every day, throughout the day, then what you’re doing, without even being aware of it, is getting out of your head space and going into your heart space. Fear comes from the head; joy comes from the heart.
You don’t need to do anything drastic, like suddenly quit your dead-end job, or walk out on an unfulfilling relationship. No, life changes unfold without force when you move from fear-based to joy-based decision- making and choices.
To introduce joy, ask yourself, ‘What do I enjoy doing? What makes me feel alive? What makes me feel loved? How can I increase the love and respect I have for myself?’
The more you become aware of what brings you joy; the more you will see it reflected in your physical life. You will attract different things because you’ll be talking about different things. Instead of, ‘I hate my job but I need the money,’ you’ll be talking and thinking about that holiday you’re planning, or your dream job. And as you talk about these joyful things, you’ll attract different people and situations. Someone will say, ‘hey, you know that thing you said, well I saw an opportunity for you.’ Your life will gradually change without you having to worry about it.
Ok, so let’s get started…
EXERCISE 1 – SPEAK
Every day, say to yourself: “I am a child of the universe and I am loved unconditionally. I am doing the best I can and I will receive only compassion and unconditional love.”
Keep a check on that inner critical voice and change what it says. When you catch your inner critic using words like ‘shouldn’t’ and ‘mustn’t’, replace them with, ‘I am lovable and I am doing my best.’ Love yourself and choose what brings you joy.
EXERCISE 2 – WRITE
Write five positive things about yourself every day. They don’t need to be a big deal, e.g. ‘I held the door open for the lady with the pram’, ‘I made a great cup of coffee’ or ‘I gave a good presentation in today’s meeting’.
EXERCISE 3 – DREAM
Have dreams but don’t set goals. Goals are limiting while dreams are liberating. What’s the difference? Dreams come from your heart; goals come from your head. When you believe in yourself, you allow yourself to dream.
As a race of people, we’ve become such goal-oriented go-getters, ‘I must do this, be this, work harder, get better, be more…’ We’ve forgotten who we are and that’s why people are so lost. But the more you pursue, the more you push away. For example, the less you need a partner, the more you’re attractive to a partner and vice-versa.
EXERCISE 4 – ALLOW
Instead of pursuing, chasing and fighting for something, allow things to happen. Before you go to sleep, close your eyes, relax all your muscles and say: ‘I release everything to Universal Energy’ and feel as though you’re releasing everything. Perhaps let out a deep breath as a symbol of releasing all fears, inhibitions and anxieties. Then say, ‘When I wake up in the morning, I will be at peace and calm.’
In the morning, when you wake up, say, ‘I give my day over to Universal Energy. I allow Universal Energy to work through me and I trust in the outcome.’ Through the day when you feel fear or stress, speak to Universal Energy, say, ‘I gave my day to you and since you have given me this issue, I want you to deal with it.’
Don’t ask for specifics because you’re limiting what comes to you. Feel grateful for what you have and allow Universal Energy to work through you.
THE FEAR CHECKLIST
Are your decisions born of love or fear? Are you doing things each day and making choices each day because you want to and it feels good or because you’re fearful if you don’t? If you’re not sure, ask yourself the following…
• Do I fear being disliked or criticised?
• Do I fear failing?
• Do I fear death?
• Do I fear global warming and pollution?
• Do I fear toxins in the environment, microwaves, phones, food additives?
• Do I fear not having enough money in retirement? • Where do I suppress my creativity/intelligence?
• Where do I compromise my integrity?
• Where do I betray myself?
• When do I say yes when I mean no?
• When do I violate myself? (Could be food, cigarettes, alcohol, promiscuity.)
• When do I seek approval to be myself?
• When do I not follow my heart?
• When am I afraid to speak my truth?